YOSEMITE VALLEY, CA—A young child was stung by a fish Tuesday while frolicking through a meadow in Yosemite National Park. The three-year-old girl, daughter of George and Shelly Quicken, allegedly provoked the wild fish when she began picking flowers for her mother.
The Quicken family was surprised to see a fish in the middle of a meadow and even more surprised when it stung the young girl.
“I’ve never seen a fish move like that,” said Shelly Quicken. “It was FLYING!”
“Now I see it every time I close my eyes. It flies through my nightmares,” she wept.
George Quicken admitted he thought the whole thing was a joke until he saw the stinger in his daughter’s thumb. He acted quickly, plucking out the stinger with a pair of tweezers and preserving the evidence for marine biologists.
“I don’t understand it!” he insisted. “Climate change must have forced an early evolution. Now they are invading the land. Soon, they could be anywhere.”
Park rangers say the fish was black and yellow in appearance and capable of flying through the air at an incredible speed. Unlike other fish, it is actually repelled by water, which means it could be anywhere at any time.
“Listen, it’s called a bee,” said Ranger Tetradomadon. “Some court classified them as fish to put them on an endangered list, but they’re just bees. Ya’ll need to relax!”
The Quicken daughter was hospitalized out of an abundance of caution due to her history of fish allergies. Curiously, doctors claim to have seen no allergy symptoms present themselves.
At publishing time, rangers have had to shoo fishermen away from the park’s meadows. No Fishing signs now blanket the otherwise grand landscape of the majestic national park.
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