We Asked 1,000 Christian Women What They Want In A Spouse – Here Are The Top Responses

Are you a single loser? Are you also a man? Love scientists with The Babylon Bee talked with 1000 actual real-live women and uncovered ten things Christian women are looking for in a man. Only you have the power to mold yourself into the ultimate man and win her heart.

Consider embodying one of these amazing qualities:

1. Boaz: If you are Boaz then you can stop reading this list right now. MMM, Boaz…
2. A man with the body of Henry Cavil and the brains of C.S. Lewis: This is the whole package!
3. A believer in the patriarchy who will provide for her and free her from the shackles of corporate America: Also see, Boaz.
4. A guy who doesn’t want to have sex with you and then murder the child: This is a pretty important one.
5. A godly man who loves kids and puppies and is over 6′ tall and muscular and really tan with fertile seed: This is the kind of man who will give her the freedom to be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant like she’s always wanted.
6. A guy with a completed AWANA vest: The only way to know he’s truly godly. Boaz had one of these.
7. A dude who never complains about casseroles: Bonus points for loving burnt meatloaf.
8. A man who will wake her up at 4 a.m. to read the King James Bible to her: NIV readers need not apply.
9. Somebody who can open pickle jars and reach things on high shelves: Better get jacked, nerds!
10. A guy who can fold a fitted sheet: Dreamy! Just like MyPillow Giza Dream Sheets.

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Babylon Bee