NEW ASGARD — Thor god of thunder has once again returned to Earth to visit his love interest, Jane Foster. After realizing that Jane was able to wield all the powers of the mighty Thor Odinson by simply picking up his old hammer, Thor has decided to pick up Jane’s most prized item in hopes of wielding her power as well.
“This power… I’ve never felt anything like it!” exclaimed Thor. “I have the sudden urge to don an apron and make some sourdough bread while raising chickens in my backyard!”
As he held up Jane Foster’s kitchen rolling pin, Thor found himself imbued with all of the powerful homemaking skills of Jane Foster. Immediately, Thor was granted the mighty power of baking, rolling the perfect pie dough, sewing, and folding a fitted sheet.
Upon examining the inscription on the rolling pin’s handle, he found it read: “Whoever shall hold this rolling pin, if they be worthy, shall possess the power of Jane Foster. Pampered Chef, made in China.”
Unfortunately, the Thor homemaking scene was cut for Chinese audiences.
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.
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