London, Ontario – Western University student Kyle Layton gave the performance of his life at a kegger near his dormitory last night convincing the other party goers he was not going to puke.
“The key to performance is truly believing what you’re saying,” explained Kyle regarding his lying. “I convinced myself that chasing a keg stand with a tequila shot was not enough to make me puke, and so others then believed in my belief that I wasn’t going to ruin the carpet.”
As Kyle staggered away from the place he did his third tequila shot, he began covering his mouth, leading some to believe he might puke. However, after turning back toward his friends and smiling without opening his mouth, he was able to convince them there was no way he’d vomit.
“Kyle had us hook, line, and sinker that’s for sure,” said Clayton, Kyle’s roommate turned friend by necessity. “I saw him retching, but then he turned to me and he’s like, ‘I’m not going to puke.’ I mean, you don’t say that unless you are (not?) going to puke, right?”
Witnesses say Kyle walked around to several groups of people, introducing himself with a charming, “I don’t feel sick at all.” Many attendees of the party hadn’t considered that this person they just met was going to puke, but once Kyle stated that he wasn’t going to without provocation, everyone was convinced that was the case.
“Boy, did that guy know how to spin a yarn,” joked Cassandra Knight, another attendee of the party. “That sickly smile, his insistence that someone give him some gum, the way he barely put a sentence together…he just had me fooled that he was really not going to puke. Then once we both went to the shower together…well, let’s just say I just know how to pick ‘em.”
After claiming that this party is the last time Kyle will ever puke, Kyle has moved on to convincing his roommate that he’ll, “he’ll never drink that much again” and that someone else must have broken into their room and peed in his bed.
Jesus Christ is King
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