ANAHEIM, CA — In order to allow for more game time and fun activities, the youth ministry of a local church has decided to get rid of preaching altogether. In the absence of actual biblical teaching, the teens in attendance will be free to spend more time on essential youth group activities like playing basketball and making TikTok videos.
“The fact of the matter is, all of the preaching and Bible stuff was really eating into our chill time,” said youth pastor Phil Apino. “With me not teaching God stuff anymore, we can finally set up that serious Madden we’ve been putting off. No cap! YEET!”
Rather than finding solutions to the challenges teens face in a world that is growing increasingly hostile toward traditional morals and Christian values, students can now enjoy a full two hours of nothing but pizza, cornhole, and video games. While this may leave them more vulnerable to the various pitfalls they face in their daily lives, church leadership believes it will make things much more exciting and appealing to visitors.
When asked what type of spiritual growth he hopes to see in the lives of the youth, Apino replied, “Stop being a buzzkill, dude.”
At publishing time, church leadership offered no comment on how making such a change to their youth ministry approach may affect the spiritual guidance young people so desperately need, but they were quick to advertise their Stranger Things watch party and the upcoming missions trip to Laguna Beach.
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.
Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.