Study Finds 97% of ‘Dateline’ Viewers are Women Researching How to Kill Their Husbands

U.S. — The results of a new study conducted by NBC News found that 97% of female viewers who tune into episodes of Dateline are researching how to kill their husbands. Producers of the long-running news program, known for its true crime documentaries and investigative reporting, are reportedly “uneasy” about the results of the study.

“True crime is a big genre and Dateline was one of the first pioneers. These stories pull users in with morbid curiosity but also educate them on how to stay safe,” said NBC showrunner Dana Hanson. “I didn’t expect anyone to use this knowledge for evil.”

Experts believe Dateline has become the preferred method of murder research because of how many episodes involve a killer being caught because of their Google search history. A web search for “how to murder my husband and get away with it” is a bigger red flag for detectives than Friday night viewings of Dateline.

“I learned very quickly not to google anything about murder,” said Sheila Evers, a 54-year-old woman who is serving a life sentence for killing her husband. “That’s how you get caught! But the police don’t track TV shows. You gotta’ use your head!”

Though Evers had been careful not to explicitly research murder on the Internet, she was caught when police discovered searches for “what episode of dateline is best for learning how to murder my husband” and “that dateline episodes with the wood chipper.”

Dateline will premiere an episode on Sheila Evers’ case this fall.

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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