TALLAHASSEE, FL — Due to the influx of new residents from Liberal states, DeSantis has signed an order outlawing man-buns before they can infect the proud and masculine culture of Florida.
The legal consequences of having a man-bun will include forfeiting the right to vote and having the bun cut off in a public demonstration of justice.
“Just as we will not have our school textbooks replaced with Marxist propaganda, we will not have our mullets replaced with hippie-dippie man buns,” said DeSantis to the press. “The legacy of Florida as free, fair, and man-bun free will live on!”
Brett Rodrick, an ex-California resident who now lives in Florida and has sported a man bun since his youth, said “I can’t believe this. What did my man-bun ever do to him, dude? It’s just, like, totally unfair that we can’t rock a bun, you know? DeSantis is such a fascist!”
Rodrick then tied his long hair up in a messy bun and was immediately dragged away and brought to the town square for a public bun removal.
At publishing time, Rodrick confirmed he plans to remain in Florida because he likes the low taxes and having a job.
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.
Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.