The January 6th hearings ended in epic fashion, with America finally learning that Senator Josh Hawley runs like a total girl. Still, we came away from season one with several unanswered questions:
- Where are the kangaroos? If we’re going to have a kangaroo court, we want to see some kangaroos, preferably wearing boxing gloves.
- Will Trump turn out to be Liz Cheney’s real father? Feels like the drama is building to an epic “I am your father” reveal.
- How does Adam Schiff hold up that giant head on his tiny neck? It really defies all the laws of physics. We’re starting to suspect his head is actually CGI.
- How did jet fuel melt steel beams? Speaking of defying the laws of physics, NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO EXPLAIN THIS.
- Is Adam Kinzinger happy? Like, deep down? We sure hope to one day see a genuine smile out of him. Poor little fella.
- Where was Trump when there was just one set of footprints? He was carrying you on the beach in his gargantuan hands.
- If no one watches the January 6th hearings, did they really happen? An age-old philosophical question comes to the fore once again.
- Will the hearings change anyone’s mind about Trump? SPOILER ALERT: Nah.
We can’t wait to see if our questions get answered when the January 6th hearings resume this fall with their Halloween Spooktacular! Let us know if there are other burning questions you’re just dying to find the answer to!
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.
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