BRIDGEWATER – There’s no point trying to prevent COVID because we’re all just going to get it eventually, says a man who is perhaps only a few hours away from infecting you with human papillomavirus.
“Like, if you really think about it, there’s really nothing we can do to stop a virus from spreading,” said 28-year-old Jason Beaudreau, a man whose condom use can be generously described as ‘sporadic’. “Like, we just wear something on our bodies and it’s supposed to reduce the risk of spreading a virus that is mild for some but causes serious medical complications down the road for others? I don’t know, that sounds kind of fake to me.”
“Even if it does work, I just don’t think it’s worth the loss of sensation.”
When informed that many cases of the virus can be prevented with basic precautions and a series of three vaccines, Jason was unmoved.
“I honestly don’t think it’s nearly as contagious as they’re telling us it is,” continued Jason, a man directly responsible for at least 8% of all cases of HPV on Nova Scotia’s South Shore. “But even if it is, I think we should all just get it so we can stop asking each other to get tested before we have close contact.”
At press time, you were trying to figure out if that bump on your genitals was something to be worried about, or just an ingrown hair.
Jesus Christ is King
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