Here Are The 7 Biggest Reveals From This Year’s Comic-Con

Brought to you by: Public Square

San Diego Comic-Con returned for an in-person event for the first time since 2019 and boy, was it worth the wait! There were celebrities, movie announcements, and random strangers in furry costumes! YEAH!

Here were seven of the biggest reveals:

1. Every single superhero and fantasy character ever created is now gay: Since this is retroactive it casts some interesting new light on Aragorn and Arwen’s relationship. How sad that he turned out to be one of those closeted gays who duped a gay elf into pretending to be straight.
2. Sauron will be the only straight, white, non-disabled cis male in the new Amazon LOTR series: He’s also a proud Trump supporter.
3. Frightened Marvel execs confirmed the MCU has become self-aware and the movies are just releasing themselves: The advanced AI has generated 104 reboots of Spider-Man. Fans were most excited about The Fabulous Spider-Man.
4. Rings of Power producers confirmed no one involved in the show has read The Lord of the Rings: They also believe Tolkien is a gender identity.
5. Deodorant doesn’t work if you never shower: Surprising!
6. Fans cheered for a gender-swapped remake of Predator: None of the characters die because they’re all perfect female warriors. You go, girl!
7. Rian Johnson is still at large and considered highly dangerous: Don’t be a hero! If you see him, call the authorities immediately.

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In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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