Federal, provincial, and municipal leaders strike landmark deal to blame each other for housing prices
OTTAWA – Reaching across all 3 levels of Government, the leaders of Canada’s national, provincial, and big city governments have reached a historic deal allowing them to shift the blame for record housing prices and inflation instability among each other indefinitely.
“For years now, Canadians have been outraged at the exploding costs of housing,” explained Prime Minister Trudeau, moments after signing the intra-governmental legislation. “This new accord will do absolutely nothing to bring down those housing prices, but it will ensure that my fellow elected leaders will never be caught without a ready scapegoat, located conveniently in a completely different level of government.”
Trudeau added, “This way the problem never actually has to be fixed, and everyone who is currently making a lot of money can continue making a lot of money. Thank you!”
The newly-signed deal will create a nationwide system of “Buck Passing Liaisons”, poised to deflect any justifiable outrage over unaffordable housing to one or both of the other two levels of government.
For example, a resident of Vancouver who criticizes Mayor Kennedy Stewart for failing to allow more multi-unit zoning will be directed to an official municipal blamer. That blamer will inform the caller that the problem is actually British Columbia’s Premier John Horgan failing to close loopholes allowing corporations and speculators to buy up available housing, before having their call abruptly forwarded. At that point, angry constituents will reach a provincial Blame Counselor who will direct their fury onward toward Ottawa for failing to fund the CRA to properly investigate foreign money launderers parking their money in Canadian real estate.
Angry citizens will then be sent back to the beginning of the, or forwarded to blame a combination of Airbnb and NATO.
“Eventually they’ll just tire themselves out and grow resigned to renting for the rest of their life,” added PM Trudeau.
Speaking to assembled reporters, representatives from Canada’s provinces and municipalities applauded the plan to perpetually redirect housing price blame hundreds, if not thousands, of kilometres away.
“Me and Justin may not have much in common,” noted Ontario Premier Doug Ford, “but we both agree on never wearing the blame for how our policy choices have absolutely made housing unaffordable for all but the wealthiest Canadians, which we both are and I guess is one other thing we have in common.” Ford then noted that Ontario’s Provincial Blame Experts will also hand out stickers, provided on contract from Deco Labels and Tags, that read “It’s Actually Trudeau/Your Mayor’s Fault”.
Halifax Mayor Mike Savage echoed the comments, “I’m just happy to be invited here, and happy that my constituents will stop asking me ‘who the blazes can actually afford all those luxury condos being built downtown?’ Now the answer can be, ‘It’s the other fella’s fault.”
Asked whether a recent temporary dip in housing prices would also be blamed on other levels of government, the assembled mayors, premiers, and prime minister all scrambled to the podium to attempt to take credit.
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