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An audit by the IRS is no joke. If you’re Nicolas Cage it could even mean you have to pay back taxes. Ouch! And now that Biden has plans to expand the IRS it’s only a matter of time before they come for you.
Follow these pro tips to avoid being audited:
- Become an IRS agent: We hear they have job openings.
- Pay 100% of your income in taxes just to be safe: Or be a hobo.
- Be Hunter Biden: Similar to the hobo option, but you have a rich dad who always lies to you.
- Earn an annual salary of at least $400,000: Those people never get audited!
- Open 70 different checking accounts with a maximum limit of $599: Don’t forget to use different names or they’ll figure it out.
- If the IRS says they’re going to audit you, just say ‘no thanks’: You’ll be surprised how often this works.
- Avoid adopting a child: That’s a guaranteed audit. The IRS hates children.
- Incorporate yourself as a small business in China: Untouchable.
- Rename your conservative nonprofit to “Eco-Green One World Reproductive Rights Democracy Ukraine”: The IRS will totally overlook anything you do.
- Sail out to international waters and start a new life as a pirate: Careful! The moment you set foot on land IRS agents will attack you with swords.
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Michael Simmons’ doctor tells him he’s obese and needs to lose some weight – but the patient has the perfect comeback: he’s pregnant!
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