FREDERICTON, NB – Guests at a wild party happening on Fredericton’s Main Street appear to be dead set on burning the three-hours-to-midnight oil as the bash is now entering its third hour and shows no signs of slowing down – despite it being a quarter past nine.
“This is crazy! It’s like there’s nobody in town who is worried about getting up early to grab the mail tomorrow!” said local reveller Matt McCallum, whose streak of getting 8 hours of sleep every night is in serious jeopardy. “I’m normally crashing by now, but I guess that coffee I had at 4pm today is really starting to kick in. I’d better switch from peach schnapps to sangria, slow it down a bit.”
“Oh shit! Mike brought Apples to Apples! This party just got real!”
Some guests believe the party’s longevity can be attributed to it taking place in what locals call “The Almost Dark Times”, a period of lawlessness where Fredericton police are too fatigued to patrol effectively and anyone fool enough to go out at this time (7:30pm onwards) deserves whatever they get.
Despite this party already having pushed past many a bedtime, no one seems really sure when they plan to leave. Attendee Taylor French says she can’t decide between going home before the tide comes in and floods all the roads, or just staying at the party until they recede again.
“I’m never up past the evening news, this is wild! At this rate, I might even get to see the sunset! I almost didn’t come out tonight, but there’s not really a whole much else to do on a Fredericton night. All the bars closed at 7, the nightclubs are only playing Nora Jones, and we would feel really guilty if we went to the strip club and had to wake up the bouncer.”
While no one knows when and by whom this all-nighter was started, many guests are excited to hit up the afterparty at Tim Hortons.
In other maritime party news, Charlottetown is expected to require a full reconstruction after being completely destroyed by yet another Anne of Green Gables-themed rave that got out of hand.
Jesus Christ is King
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