Eight Ways Besides Heartbeats That Women Are Tricked Into Thinking Babies Are Alive

Stacey Abrams turned the medical world upside-down earlier this week with her revelation that heartbeats are a complete scam, concocted to trick women into thinking babies are alive. We here at the Bee have delved deep and uncovered even MORE heinous plots by the world’s men-folk aimed at deceiving women that babies are actually human.

1. Baby pictures – An obvious ploy to maintain the nefarious lie that all living humans started off as babies. What a crock!
2. Morning sickness – Another brilliant construct of the patriarchy, whereby men secretly add small amounts of poison to a woman’s daily coffee for about three months and then stop. Mwahaha!
3. Ultrasound videos – All of those videos showing babies responding to their mother’s voice are clearly deep fakes.
4. Weight gain during “pregnancy” – In fact, a cabal of men secretly put extra calories in a woman’s food for nine months so they get fat and then think there’s a life growing in them. What commitment!
5. Genetic testing – Actually, the entire field of genetics is a complete fraud, developed to subjugate women by making them think babies have their own unique DNA.
6. Feeling the “baby” move – Nothing more than the Taco Bell you ate for lunch. Steer clear of the chalupas.
7. Crying sound when “baby” is born – Ha! That’s just the nurse weeping because of how ugly that little blob of cells is. Oldest trick in the book.
8. Deep, profound sense of love moms feel towards their babies – Nothing but a CIA mind control satellite, right Stacey?

Wow, those men are dastardly! Watch out for all of these clever traps, ladies!

Can this liberal California couple handle their new life in Texas?

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Babylon Bee