GAINESVILLE, FL — Despite installing a new “Trinity Wishbone” offense during fall camp, PragerU has once again found itself dead last in the NCAA after a 94-0 drubbing at the hands of the Florida Gators.
“I don’t know where it went wrong. We had a really great week of practice, all in easily digestible, five-minute chunks” said Mr. Prager in a post-game interview. “But at the end of the day, I’m 74 years old and no amount of knowledge about the benefits of free-market capitalism could help me avoid the 23 sacks we gave up today.”
PragerU had reportedly entered the season with high hopes after acquiring a haul of new talent through the transfer portal. “We thought Candace Owens would be a great addition at wideout,” said Mr. Prager. “And the first play, we threw that slant to her – she was like a beautiful football goddess out there, stretching out for the catch. But sadly, there was a 250 pound linebacker waiting for her, and the doctors said it would be easier to just name the bones in her body that aren’t currently broken.”
Although Florida outgained PragerU by 937 yards, the Prager team still felt like there were some positives to take away from the game. “Half the team is currently hospitalized, and they had to call the game in the second quarter because we ran out of players, but I’m looking on the bright side,” said Mr. Prager. “Will Witt really got into their kicker’s head when he came out in a Mexican poncho and fake mustache. Plus, being laid up for the next eight weeks while my ruptured spleen heals will give us a terrific opportunity to discuss the dangers of socialized medicine.”
At publishing time, the NCAA updated its standings to show that PragerU was in fact now second-to-last, narrowly beating out Trump University.
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