Jesus' Coming Back

Poilievre confident THIS endorsement from an alt right conspiracy theorist won’t blow up in his face

OTTAWA – After receiving praise from Infowars host and conspiracy theorist , Pierre Poilievre has expressed confidence that unlike past endorsements, this one will certainly not backfire on him spectacularly.

“Sure, Alex Jones may be a notorious alt right fringe lunatic who’s currently being ordered to pay millions in damages to school shooting victims he harassed,” explained Poilievre, “ but if the man who claimed that Pentagon chemicals are turning frogs gay wants to endorse me, I absolutely cannot foresee any potential downside!”

“I understand Jones has a troubled past, but he called me ‘the new Bolsonaro’,” Poilievre enthused in reference to the notorious Brazilian autocrat. “How can I lose!?”

While Poilievre insists he is “all in” on the Jones endorsement, political observers are quick to cite the numerous times he has embraced endorsement from figures in the past only to receive blowback later on.

“Well sure, there was all the support I got from the movement, until their leader Jeremy Mackenzie threatened to sexually assault my wife, but that was forever ago” Poilievre recalled of the incident that took place last week.

“Besides,” the Conservative leader added, “with these far right militia groups it’s like they always say, ‘one bad apple is easily removed and actually improves the bunch’!”

Asked whether Alex Jones’ endorsement called to mind previous support accepted from Ottawa leaders who were later charged and convicted, far right podcaster Pat King who was revealed to promote the ‘White Replacement Theory’, and cryptocurrency speculators who lured investors into losing billions, Poilievre remained confident.

“What are the odds of the same thing happening literally dozens of times,” Poilievre added cooly.

“It’s not that I agree with these far right extremist figures, it’s just that every single one of them seems to agree with me. Weird, right?”

At press time, the Poilievre campaign has reportedly had promising talks for an official endorsement from the January 6th QAnon Shaman just as soon as he has phone privileges returned in Cell Block D.

Beaverton

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