ST. CATHARINE’S — The customers at children’s store Kiddie Korner have been getting more than they bargained for this Halloween season in the form of dozens of bargain basement spectres.
The store, situated in a strip mall location that previously housed a Spirit Halloween, has drawn complaints from shoppers about softly moaning souls interrupting their browsing. In particular, they were perturbed by the ghosts being so uniform and tacky.
“If I’m going to be haunted while looking for a new car seat,” said customer Natalie Leung, “can these things at least put a little effort into it? I mean, how frightened am I supposed to be if they just hover, saying ‘wooooo…’ over and over, in the exact same way, like battery operated lawn props?”
The apparitions, which can be seen at any time of the day or night, take the form of badly stamped plastic skeletons, hooded polyester ponchos with the face on the chest for some reason, and white inflatable figures that look like angry pieces of chalk.
“Those things are so frickin’ irritating,” said sales clerk Rebecca Green. “Sometimes they’ll float up and down in front of you, like some low budget special effect. But mostly they just hang on a rack like a bunch of shirts. Except less scary.”
“Beware the undead!” warned an old man loitering outside the store’s main entrance. “On this very site Spirit Halloween sold uncostly paraphernalia of the nether worlds! All who enter shall face the wrathful spiritual residue of junky props, thin costumes and tubes of greasy black lipstick! So beware! Be afraid! Or you’ll be damned!!” He then laughed maniacally, threw a smoke bomb to the ground, and when it cleared, could be seen crouching behind a garbage can.
“That’s just Lyle,” said Green. “He’s lonely and harmless.”
At press time, Kiddie Korner’s staff continues their regular retail work, anticipating the supernatural annoyances will recede after the Halloween season, leaving room for the much more relaxed atmosphere of Christmas shopping.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.