NORTH KOREA — Through diplomatic channels, America has offered for Kim Jong-Un to test out his nuclear arsenal at the next Astros-Phillies World Series game.
“No pressure, we just wanted to let you know it’s available,” said the communique. “If you’re looking for ground zero, maybe shoot for the Astros’ dugout? Or the Phillies’ dugout. Honestly, we don’t care.”
Tensions have ratcheted up in North Korea recently as Kim Jong-Un has threatened neighbors with yet another missile test. “We hope our generous offer to nuke the Astros will defuse the situation on the Korean peninsula,” said diplomat Hao-Yun Lee. “Obviously Kim Jong-Un has a lot of angst that he needs to release, and we have the Astros and Phillies all in one place. It’s a perfect match.”
Though understanding the continued anger at their team, citizens of Houston have felt the offer to nuke their city to be a bit excessive. “We all know a ton of teams were stealing signs, we were just the only ones dumb enough to get caught,” said local Astros fan Dave Rogers. “Besides, the main guys involved are all gone. I get still booing the Astros, but letting North Korea nuke us seems a little much.”
Sources say that evil dictator Kim Jong-Un has declined the offer, as he is of course a massive Astros fan.
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