Biden Call To Congratulate Fetterman Lasts Three Hours As Neither Can Form A Coherent Sentence

U.S. — President Biden’s congratulatory call to John Fetterman for his senate race win reportedly lasted in excess of three hours because neither man was able to form a coherent sentence.

White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain was forced to adjust Biden’s schedule as the call dragged on and on. Meetings on the economy, foreign policy, and immigration were canceled entirely. Fortunately, Biden was still able to keep his standing tea time with Kamala.

“They just sort of growled at each other after a while. It was very raw and animalistic, as you’d expect from great leaders,” Klain said, advising Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre on how best to spin the time-consuming call.

An excerpt of the official transcript of the call has been made available by the White House. A brief excerpt of the call follows —

POTUS: Look, Jack, you great, boy. Not a joke.

Fetterman: Me John. Who Jack?

POTUS: You Jack, man. Come on!

Fetterman: [unintelligible chatter]

POTUS: No. I’m serious! Think about it.

Fetterman: Uh, new phone. Who dis?

POTUS: Hello?

Fetterman: [heavy breathing]

POTUS: [heavy breathing]

At publishing time, White House aides deactivated President Biden’s phone after he once again phoned to ask John Fetterman if the senator-elect would consider running for senate.

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