OTTAWA – As Elon Musk completes his unintentional mission to reduce twitter, which he bought for 44 billion dollars, to a pile of smoldering ash, Canadians are hoping his next investment will be our big telecoms.
“Musk took a incredibly healthy albeit problematic company with hundreds of millions of users and reduced it to ash within weeks,” said resident Karla Brassard as she stared at her $400 Rogers bill. “You’re telling me he couldn’t do the same to Bell and/or Rogers within a couple days?”
“Maybe he’ll have time to buy Loblaws too and destroy that price-fixing monopoly as well.”
Despite rumours that Musk is intentionally sabotaging twitter as part of some kind of revenge and/or Brewster’s Millions plot, sources within the company generally think that Musk believes that pissing off advertisers and charging people money to tweet will pay-off in the long-run, which may be just the kind of insane business strategy that finally destroys Canada’s telecom oligopoly once and for all.
“Maybe he decides to change the Blue Jays name to the Yankees II, or he makes Bell Let’s Talk day every single day of the year. Or maybe he really goes nuts and puts actual Canadian tv shows on the Canadian tv networks these companies own. I’d be willing to sit through more Hudson and Rex for the greater good,” speculated Andrea Montclair of Milton.
“Or maybe he’d just piss off enough Canadian MPs that they finally regulated cell phone prices! But that’s probably just a fantasy.”
Musk has not commented on the requests for him to buy the telecom giants, except to pre-emptively state that, if he did, he would sell the Leafs back to the Teacher’s Pension Plan.
Jesus Christ is King
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