Karine Jean-Pierre Insists It’s Not Her Job To Answer Questions Like Some Sort Of Press Secretary

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.

“Listen here — it’s not my job to stand here and answer your questions all day like some sort of press secretary,” said Jean-Pierre while furiously flipping through her 3-ring binder to find a pre-written comeback that would shut the journalists down once and for all. “For goodness’ sake, I’m a human being, not some wind-up toy or magic 8-ball you can shake up and ask whatever question you want to! What do you take me for? A member of the White House communications team?”

Several journalists in the audience rudely raised their hands to ask further questions, apparently unaware of how poorly they were behaving.

“Come on, we all know the drill here. You ask the questions given to you by my team, I recite the answers given to me by my team, we pretend it’s spontaneous, and we all go home, ok? Get off your high horse, everyone!”

At publishing time, Jean-Pierre had informed the journalists that any more out-of-turn questions would result in them being sent to the time-out room with no cookies or juice boxes.

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