Nation Fondly Remembers Time When They Could Still Toy With Idea Of Being Libertarians

COLUMBIA, S.C. – According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of “drag queen story hour.”

“It’s a ghost town here,” said David Witters, president of the Libertarian Society of Columbia, South Carolina. “This place used to be packed, wall to wall. We’d sit around, and talk about Paul. Sometimes Ron. Sometimes Rand. It was amazing.”

The dwindling number of libertarians has been especially felt across college campuses. “It was amazing,” said Lee Butler, a sophomore at the University of South Carolina. “Used to be being a libertarian was a plus. You don’t fit in a box like a lib or a con. You just want to let people do what they want. But now with the drag queen stuff, it’s not the same.”

“I dabbled in libertarianism,” said a sophomore at the University of South Carolina sophomore who wished to remain anonymous. “But when I said the government should stay out of things, I meant, like weed. Meth maybe. Not the pedo stuff.”

Some experts say that the decline in libertarianism has nothing to do with drag queen story time, however. “Libertarians are lame,” said Jessica Waters, a former libertarian based in Spartanburg. “Like, very lame.”

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