Social media gets a bad rap these days, but did you know there are tremendous health benefits to scrolling endlessly on social media and interacting with hostile strangers for hours on end?
Check out these scientifically proven benefits of using copious amounts of social media:
- Sitting on the couch scrolling all day keeps you from ever going outside where you might get sunburned: People who’ve been outside told us sunburns can be deadly.
- Spending hours in front of a screen will weaken your eyesight enough so that your other senses will go into overdrive and you can become a superhero: This is how Daredevil got his start.
- You’ll get a self-esteem boost after seeing how many other people are dumber than you: Ahhhh feels good!
- You can develop thicker skin after being told how much dumber you are than everyone: Waaaaaaa!
- You can read thousands of advertisements that helpfully point you toward expensive products you can buy that might make you healthier: We heard that seaweed wrap totally works.
- Typing can build up your finger strength, making you capable of fending off would-be attackers: Like the people you yelled at on social media.
- Reading a tweet you disagree with causes blood pressure to spike and that’s kinda like exercise, right?: Yeah. Pretty much the same.
- Scrolling helps reduce your attention span which will get you diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin which is an awesome study aid: You’ll be a genius from studying!
- You can get great tips on how to navigate awkward puberty years by taking hormones and slicing off body parts: This is valuable information you won’t get from loved ones.
- Telling strangers that they should die in a fire is a proven way to relieve stress: 9 out of 10 doctors recommend it.
NOT SATIRE: Have you ever thought, “I’m never letting my kids get on social media”?
Big Tech social media has proven to lead to higher rates of depression in teens and young adults. Beyond that, algorithms blatantly push the woke agenda on our children.
But what if you could escape the status quo and join others who are connecting in a healthier way? The people on TUVU are doing so every day – and we want you to join us!
TUVU is more than social media – we’re a community trailblazing a better way to connect to each other. We believe social spaces online should forge stronger marriages, family connections, and friendships (not serve as gateways to vice, mental illness, and societal deterioration, like the other platforms).
You can share what matters to you on TUVU: photos, videos, prayer requests, and more!
Come join us and follow The Babylon Bee to never miss a post! Do it for the kids!
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job:
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Babylon Bee
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