Henry Cavill is out as Superman. No more shall he run faster than a locomotive or leap tall buildings in a single bound. Sad! Still, this is great news for a young actor looking for his big break. So who’s going to be the next Superman?
Here are the top contenders, according to reliable sources:
- Christopher Reeve: Deceased actors are all the rage these days. Why not go back to everyone’s fan favorite? Plus, it’s funny to make dead actors say things they never would have, like “gay marriage” or “let me walk over there.” It’s funny! Like a puppet!
- Nicolas Cage: He was tapped to play the last son of Krypton back in the ’90s. Bring back the CageVerse!
- Brandon Routh: Remember Superman Returns, the spiritual sequel to the Reeve Superman films? Brandon Routh does.
- Will Smith: It’s time for a black Superman.
- Jennifer Lawrence: It’s time for a female Superman.
- Whoopi Goldberg: It’s time for a black female Superman.
- Daniel Day-Lewis: To prepare for the role, this dedicated method actor would have to move to an alien planet, narrowly escape just before it explodes, and then develop superhuman powers under the earth’s yellow sun. But imagine how authentic it would be!
- The Hemsworth brother that’s also replacing Cavill in The Witcher: We can’t remember his name. James? Bob? Who knows.
- Peter Dinklage: Don’t be an ableist. There is nothing wrong with this casting.
- Harry Cravmill: Hey, he looks just like Henry Cavill in a handlebar mustache!
The actors listed have been scheduled to audition for producers. Who would you pick?
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Babylon Bee
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