Jesus' Coming Back

Biblical Archaeologists Uncover 2,000-Year-Old Poster-Board Photo Collage Displayed At Jesus’ Funeral

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JERUSALEM—Shedding new light on the events that transpired after the crucifixion of the religious figure, biblical archaeologists from the University of Oxford announced Monday they had uncovered a 2,000-year-old poster-board photo collage that was displayed at the funeral of Jesus Christ. “This ancient tribute to the late Jesus of Nazareth most likely sat on an easel near the body as His followers mourned,” Professor Armand Socci said of the 22-by-28-inch card-stock triptych, which is covered in photos that have been pasted on at incongruous angles and which identifies itself as “A Celebration of the Life of Jesus” in letters stenciled and cut out of construction paper. “There are candid shots of Christ and His disciples hiking up Mount Tabor, and images from a wedding in Cana where He famously kept the celebration going by turning water into wine. It’s just a really sweet commemoration that Peter and the other apostles likely put together to memorialize one of their best friends and everything He brought to their lives.” The collage also reportedly documents a part of Jesus’ life completely omitted by the Bible, showing pictures of Him as an awkward teenager with a mullet and a thin, patchy mustache.

The Onion

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