TORONTO – After hearing yet another story of a “Downtrodden, heartbroken, teensy weensy little landlord” who became upset when a tenant callously needed a place to live, Canada’s national broadcaster is now reporting that all landlords deserve a little kiss.
“Forehead or lips,” said head of CBC’s Landlord Voices, Stéphanie Propriétaire. “The location doesn’t matter. As long as the smooch conveys you’re sorry a small landlord made a risky investment that came with risky consequences.”
When pressed to explain the difference between small landlords and regular landlords, Propriétaire elaborated, “Small landlords are only looking to exploit one, two, maybe four families. Plus, they need fewer kisses to cheer them up.”
Adding to the plight of tenants — or landlords, depending where you’re employed — are the months-long delays at the Landlord Tenant Board.
“The board is full of cases of tenants who claim their landlord violated their rights, one, two, maybe four times,” reported Propriétaire. “Grow up!”.
At the same time, rents across the country have skyrocketed past their pre-pandemic levels.
Tenant Harpreet Singh feels trapped. “My landlord is horrible, and my rent is so high I’ll never be able to save up for a down payment,” said Singh.
“Don’t blame me for high rents. There’s a supply shortage,” said landlord Tony Baloney, who owns three homes. “If people don’t want to pay high rents, they should save up to buy a home the old fashioned way — getting a down payment from their parents.”
In honour of landlords everywhere, the CBC has painted their entire website a plain white, including any wood trim.
Jesus Christ is King
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