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Things To Never Say To Someone Who Loves Elon Musk

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If you know someone who stans the almighty Meme Lord and CEO of the Boring Company Elon Musk, here are things you should never say.

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“It sometimes seems like he craves attention.”

“It sometimes seems like he craves attention.”

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Oh, so you’re one of those woke libtards, huh?

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3 / 21

“I totally get it. I’m obsessed with Volvo CEO Martin Lundstedt.”

“I totally get it. I’m obsessed with Volvo CEO Martin Lundstedt.”

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This will be a conversational dead end, as Lundstedt lacks Musk’s infectious charisma and je ne sais quoi.

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“What’s your favorite Tesla lawsuit?”

“What’s your favorite Tesla lawsuit?”

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For true stans, it’s impossible to choose between the 40-plus racial and sexual harassment cases.

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5 / 21

“He dies in the end.”

“He dies in the end.”

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You may know the end to his story, but there’s no need to ruin it for people who’ve never come to grips with the reality that he is but a man.

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“It’s kinda weird that he wears diapers.”

“It’s kinda weird that he wears diapers.”

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Actually, for a man like Musk, relieving himself in a diaper rather than a toilet is a far more efficient use of his valuable time.

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7 / 21

“No one who has been close to him speaks well of him.”

“No one who has been close to him speaks well of him.”

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This, however, is a trick, as no one has ever truly been close to him.

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“He’s not even in my top five tyrants.”

“He’s not even in my top five tyrants.”

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There’s no need to rank them.

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“He’s impregnated everyone else. Why not you?”

“He’s impregnated everyone else. Why not you?”

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Pointing out the obvious will just make her feel bad.

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10 / 21

“Did you know that Henry Ford also once started an automobile company?”

“Did you know that Henry Ford also once started an automobile company?”

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Implying that Elon Musk is in any way similar to anyone who existed before him is pretty much guaranteed to lead to a fistfight.

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11 / 21

“Elon Musk is going to ruin Twitter.”

“Elon Musk is going to ruin Twitter.”

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They will rightly point out that Twitter was already ruined. He will just make it worse.

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12 / 21

“Elon Musk is too funny.”

“Elon Musk is too funny.”

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Elon Musk is the perfect amount of funny, asshole.

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“Age of consent laws are good.”

“Age of consent laws are good.”

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Just testing something here…

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14 / 21

“Elon’s definitely coming to your birthday party.”

“Elon’s definitely coming to your birthday party.”

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Don’t give them false hope their father will acknowledge them.

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“As a woman, I…”

“As a woman, I…”

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The only two outcomes from saying this are a violent death threat or total dismissal of your personhood.

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“Please stop harassing me on Twitter.”

“Please stop harassing me on Twitter.”

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This will only make things worse.

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17 / 21

“I’m looking for podcast recommendations.”

“I’m looking for podcast recommendations.”

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Only terrors lie down this path.

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18 / 21

“Please clean your room.”

“Please clean your room.”

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Don’t be such a bitch, Mom.

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“Hi.”

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Bad idea all around.

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You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…

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The Onion

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