Trudeau assures Canadians that Bill C-21 will not impede their rights to die in hunting accidents

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the podium last week to reaffirm to Canadians that even with Bill C-21 tightening up gun control laws, they will still be able to perish in preventable incidents during outdoor activities.

“The scope of this bill is to increase the safety of Canadians everywhere, except for the ones who go on hunting trips,” Trudeau told the press. “Our lawmakers have been hard at work to make sure hunters won’t miss out on the classic wilderness experience of being shot by their own twelve-year-old children.”

However, some Canadians aren’t convinced that Trudeau isn’t out to make their favourite hobby needlessly non-lethal. “Justin Trudeau is always lying when he says you won’t get fined for getting wasted on Coors Light and then accidentally pumping a round in my brother-in-law’s gut,” longtime hunter Cody Buckley of Banff declared, packaging the guns he sold on Kijiji to a buyer whom he had not met in person.

“The least they could do is bring back the Guns For Pies programs so we get some value back,” Buckley continued. “This is a direct attack on our way of life. Someone needs to tell Trudeau that getting shot by a jittery teen is part of our woodsman heritage.”

A spokesperson for the Liberal Government has advised that hunters and other outdoorsmen will have many non-firearm-related ways to meet an accidental demise while enjoying the Canadian wilderness. These include: trying to bow hunt with no experience; eating game meat extra raw; or by using the Ross rifle.

In addition to these suggestions the Trudeau government has made a few compromises to ensure an acceptable amount of dangers for Canadian hunters. These include outlawing high-visibility gear, making vaseline mandatory while handling guns, and finally legalizing the most dangerous game of all – man.

The current debate about Bill C-21 continues into 2023, with many facets of the law still needing to be addressed. For instance, no one is sure if the sub-clause that legalizes the use of any weapon available against Bigfoot should be kept or not.

Beaverton