INDIANAPOLIS—Acknowledging the sage decision by the people at the top, union-busting manager Dale Lynskey told reporters Tuesday that he graciously accepted a pay cut because his boss knows best. “Our CEO knows exactly what’s right for company, and obviously I was taking more money than my labor was worth, so I’m happy to right that wrong,” said Lynskey, who personally fired several employees who were secretly trying to organize coworkers to fight for fair wages and safe working conditions, noted that his 20% decrease in salary was all apart of the CEO’s plan that he assumed would benefit him in the long run. “I’m also back to taking on all the responsibilities of the unionizers I axed for no extra pay, which was a pretty financially savvy thing to do on the part of C-suite. Who am I to question it? He’s the boss and there’s a reason he’s the guy at the top, and I’m not.” At press time, Lynskey told reporters he didn’t need health insurance anyway, after the company completely stopped offering benefits in the CEO’s latest sensible cost-saving measure.
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