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Fetterman Struggling To Adapt To Size Of Capitol Building

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WASHINGTON—Banging his head against the top of the dome in the rotunda, newly sworn-in Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) told reporters Wednesday he was struggling to adapt to the size of the Capitol Building. “I didn’t think the transition from small-town Pennsylvania would be easy, but I wasn’t expecting to have to grease myself up every day just to squeeze into the Senate chamber,” said Fetterman, adding that while he felt a bit out of place taking up one whole side of the aisle on the 9,000-square-foot Senate floor, everyone seemed nice and always greeted him when they noticed the Capitol shaking on his arrival. “It’s hard to be the new kid in a town that was designed back in the day, when the average American male was 5’7″. [Majority Leader] Chuck [Schumer] told me the rooms were too small for me to actually sit on any committees, but said I could probably still poke my head in the door sometimes.” At press time, Fetterman had declined to attend a cocktail event with high-powered lobbyists, saying he didn’t want to visit an upscale D.C. restaurant where he knew he would never fit in.

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