Incredibly Productive House Of Representatives Assembles For 8th Vote In Just 3 Days

WASHINGTON—Defying speculation that the 118th Congress would get little accomplished during its term, the incredibly productive House of Representatives assembled Thursday for its eighth vote in just three days. “Less than 72 hours into the new session, and they’ve already held seven votes—these committed representatives are holding a master class in how to show up and get down to brass tacks,” said New York Times congressional reporter Annie Karni, adding that the seven votes in the House of Representatives had also seen 100% attendance, a rarity in the chamber, which only underscored the legislative body’s universal commitment to efficiency. “Things are finally changing in Washington. We’ve also received word from Capitol sources that this burst of productivity from our elected officials might not even be over—we could see an ninth, tenth, or even 11th vote today. This level of voting right out of the gate hasn’t been seen in America in over a century, and it bodes well for our nation’s future.” At press time, several new polls found that a majority of Americans supported giving the hardworking representatives a few days or even weeks off to rest.

The Onion