Explosive Prince Harry Memoir Reveals William Used Too Much Tongue When They Kissed

SANTA BARBARA, CA—Divulging that the interactions with his brother often got physical, a passage leaked Monday from Spare, the explosive new memoir by Prince Harry, revealed that Prince William used far too much tongue whenever the brothers kissed. “Nearly every time the two of us made out, we’d barely have a chance to get started before William would be jamming his tongue right down my throat,” said Harry, adding that while he had nothing against French kissing per se, his older brother “just went way overboard” with a sloppy tonguing technique that was overbearing and “kind of gross.” “I would clench my teeth in the hopes he’d take a hint, but he always kept right at it. Don’t get me wrong—since leaving the U.K., I do miss William’s lips. But once he even put his slobbery tongue in my mouth right after we’d gone out for curry, and it was so disgusting I thought I was going to puke.” The book goes on to claim that William forced Harry to keep the bad kissing a secret by threatening to tell everyone his younger brother gave terrible blow jobs.

The Onion