DOTHAN, AL—Offering accolades for the homemade puke it grew up eating, a local barn swallow told reporters Friday that its mother made the best vomit in the world. “I know everyone says this, but no one can regurgitate like my mom does,” said the migratory songbird, explaining that it had eaten vomit from some of the best sidewalks in the country and still nothing compared to its mother’s blend of freshly disgorged, bile-infused nutrients. “It’s the perfect combination of partially digested worms, flies, seeds, and a little hint of love. Plus, she makes it extra chunky, just the way I like it.” At press time, grieving sources reported that the barn swallow’s mother had bounced off a car windshield and died before she was able to pass the recipe down to her family.
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