Woman Will Never Know Intimacy Like Passing Garbage Truck Drivers Slowing Down To Point At Each Other

HARTFORD, CT—Overcome with quiet melancholy as she witnessed the profound tenderness of the exchange, area woman Camille Rossner reportedly realized Tuesday that she would never know an intimacy like that of two passing garbage truck drivers slowing down their vehicles to point at each other. “It must feel so amazing to experience that kind of connection with someone,” said the 27-year-old event planner, adding that she regretted the comparative solitude of her own existence as she watched the two sanitation workers put on their brakes, smile wide, and acknowledge each other with an outstretched finger and a honk of their horns. “While I can appreciate, from a distance, the easy confidence of the gesture and the casual exchange of bonhomie, I can never participate. No, unless I someday managed to climb behind the wheel of a garbage truck and meet another driver whose route goes by mine, that just isn’t in the cards for me.” At press time, Rossner was seen brushing away a tear as she noticed two trash collectors riding on the backs of the trucks reach over for a quick fist bump.

The Onion