Katie Porter Uses Whiteboard To Explain To Dianne Feinstein Why This Her Office Now

WASHINGTON—Circling the words “dead soon” for emphasis, Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA) reportedly used a whiteboard Wednesday to explain to Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) why the public office held by Feinstein for 30 years belonged to Porter now. “So as you can see here, the average life expectancy for a woman in the United States is 79 years, and come 2024, you’ll be 91—if you’re lucky—and that’s just too old!” said Porter, who drew a stick figure that was hunched over and leaning on a cane, along with several arrows that appeared to indicate the figure was about to tumble into an open grave. “Me, I’ll only be 51. But you, well, pretty soon you’re going to be down there in the ground. So you can’t stay here. Are you still following me, Dianne? This office is mine.” At press time, sources confirmed Porter had been forced to wipe the board clean and start over by explaining that the Hart Senate Office Building was not Feinstein’s home and she did not live there.

The Onion