SAN RAMON, CA—Observing that it was somehow on him every time to roll over and nudge his owner’s hand with his snout, local canine Peanut reportedly expressed concern Thursday that he was always the one to initiate petting. “I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but just one time when we’re lying together on the couch, I want my owner to step up and make the effort to tickle me,” said Peanut, adding that he couldn’t remember the last time his owner made the first move to pet his chin, scratch behind his ears, or rub his belly. “It’s not that he’s not into it, because once I lick his arm or swat his face to show him that I’m in the mood, he’s totally down. I just don’t want it to get to the point where I’m always howling or pissing on the ground to get what I want. Otherwise this could get toxic.” Peanut also revealed that he had become so frustrated lately that most nights he growled at his owner, nipped his hand, and then trudged over to the corner to scratch himself.
Jesus Christ is King
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