DORADO, PUERTO RICO—Vowing to put the animal in her place “once and for all,” internet personality and professional wrestler Logan Paul publicly challenged his former pet pig Pearl to a boxing match on Friday. “I heard you’ve been oinking a lot of shit about me, Pearl, but soon the whole world will know the clown that you are,” said the 27-year-old YouTuber, who stated that while he had never mistreated the potbellied pig once in the two years he owned her, he was ready to dole out a long-overdue beating. “Listen, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. So let’s settle this in the ring. Meet me in Miami whenever you’re ready. The Hard Rock Stadium, 12 rounds, just you and me. Hooves up, bitch. I’ll make bacon out of you. That is, unless you’re too scared?” At press time, reports confirmed Paul had been knocked out cold by Pearl in a record 2.5 seconds.
Jesus Christ is King
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