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Field Sobriety Test Asks Driver Whether Calling Ex Sounds Like Good Idea

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SACRAMENTO, CA—Pulling over a motorist suspected of intoxication, a police officer conducting a field sobriety test Monday reportedly asked the driver whether or not calling his ex sounded like a good idea. “Excuse me, sir, do you think you might want to give your ex a call?” asked officer Brent McCarthy, telling the man to step out of his car and scroll through his contacts to determine whether he was still under the legal alcohol consumption limit and therefore able to resist dialing up his ex-girlfriend to ask where things went wrong. “Be honest, Mr. Banks, have you had the urge tonight to admit you have residual feelings for a woman who told you she never wants to hear from you again? Okay, now please stick out your arms, close your eyes, and bring your phone to your ear. I’ve seen enough, sir—car 499 to central, this man tried to hit FaceTime at 3 a.m., I’m bringing him in.” At press time, McCarthy had restrained the belligerent man after he frantically lunged for the officer’s phone.

The Onion

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