Report Finds Billionaires Paying Zero Dollars In Income Taxes By Writing ‘No Thank You Please’ On Return

NEW YORK—Shedding new light on how the nation’s wealthiest avoided paying taxes, a new report released Monday by ProPublica found that U.S. billionaires have been paying zero dollars in federal income taxes for years by writing, “No thank you please,” on their returns. “Dozens of billionaires fail to pay their fair share every year by simply writing nothing on their tax return except, ‘No, I do not want to do that,’” said senior reporter Nathan Simonton, coauthor of the bombshell report, who obtained hundreds of pages of tax records that had been left completely blank by billionaires who couldn’t even be bothered to humor the IRS. “The top .001% wealthiest Americans have gotten away with the so-called ‘red Sharpie’ loophole every year. Bill Gates does it. Jeff Bezos does it. Michael Bloomberg drew a big angry face with a speech bubble that said ‘NO.’”At press time, Simonton added that a few savvy billionaires had even received tax credits by writing, “No, you give me money,” on their returns.

The Onion