U.S. — The Department of Justice has announced that anyone found to have pre-ordered the upcoming Harry Potter franchise game Hogwarts Legacy will be added to an anti-trans watchlist.
“J.K. Rowling is a known TERF whose hateful opinion that transwomen are not real women literally kills millions every day,” said Attorney General Merrick Garland. “That is why we must put everyone who bought this Harry Potter game on a watchlist. They are a dangerous hate group, and we take this very seriously.”
Merrick Garland continued by stating that the DOJ has frozen the bank accounts of all Hogwarts Legacy players indefinitely until they uninstall the game. The DOJ will also require them to burn all their Harry Potter books, pour out their butterbeer and formally renounce J.K. Rowling as a transphobic bigot.
“Anyone who supports Harry Potter supports J.K. Rowling, and anyone who supports J.K. Rowling supports the genocide of trans people,” said former Harry Potter fan Leslie Frazzlebum. “People cannot be allowed to support women who hold the radical opinion men who dress up and pretend to be women aren’t women.”
At publishing time, the DOJ had also added anyone shown to have purchased Bible Adventures for NES to their Christian Nationalism watchlist.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job:
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.