COLUMBUS, OH—Grateful that his relatives weren’t attractive enough to tempt him, local man Darren Doherty told reporters Tuesday that his family was too ugly to elicit any incestuous fantasies. “Thank God my family is far too hideous for me to daydream about fucking them,” said Doherty, claiming that if he were part of any other family he wouldn’t be able to help himself. “My sister is busted, my dad’s a troll, and my mom’s a three at best, which is pretty much the only thing stopping me from jumping their bones. Because it’s definitely not the taboo itself. I find that part incredibly hot.” At press time, Doherty had backtracked slightly after recalling what a hot piece of ass his 93-year-old grandmother was.
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