It’s important to do everything possible to stay ahead of the winter blahs, especially as the long nights drag on and January’s icy grasp makes you want to leave this frigid mortal coil. Luckily, we’ve got four nifty tricks that will do fuck all for your mental health so long as we’re captive in this bleak, sunless, hellscape.
1. Do Yoga
It’s no secret that physical activity can have a positive effect on your psyche, so scrape yourself out of bed, dust Dorito crumbs off of your stale PJs, and get that blood pumping! As you collapse into a relaxing downward dog, try not to think about the fact that it’s 3pm and the street lights just came on. Repeat 4-6 times an hour, and soon you’ll be saying “namaste” to seasonal affective disorder. Unfortunately, it will be the “hello” kind.
2. Tidy-up
Just because it’s dark outside doesn’t mean it can’t be cozy inside! Instantly spruce up any room by throwing away your old pizza boxes and emptying the trash every once in a while, you dumb fuck. Strive to keep only what brings you joy, and then remember that your body hasn’t produced a molecule of serotonin since the sun started setting during work hours.
3. Stay Social
No one likes being cooped up all winter, so text a friend and watch in despair as they agree to hang out! Slam a pot of coffee just to feel human, and then spend two hours shivering on a damp subway car as you fight a seasonal migraine. Then, you and your pal can try some fun winter activities, like falling asleep after one IPA, saying “fuck it”, and spending the rest of your money on an Uber home.
4. Get Rest
No matter the time of year, a healthy sleep schedule is key to mental wellness. Once the sun goes down, crawl into bed like a kitty cat curling up under a patio to die. Because having 12 minutes of available daylight has scrambled your circadian rhythm, simply toss and turn for the next 6-8 hours and then burn your eyes out watching Tiktoks.
And there you have it, folks! Remember: if you try these quick tricks and winter still isn’t your thing, you can always wait until summer… when you’ll be so sweaty and tick-ridden that you’ll wish it was January all over again.
Jesus Christ is King
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