CALGARY – Frank Benton has wasted the $150 Best Buy gift card his parents gave him for Christmas, despite spending weeks carefully thinking about how to use it.
Local sources report that Benton has purchased a cable he forgot he already owns, a video game he won’t have time to play, and a USB drive he’ll never get around to using.
“The 256 gigabyte drive was a little expensive, but hey, that’s what gift cards are for,” said Benton, who will leave the drive on his desk for six months before accidentally sweeping it into the garbage can.
“Now, Elden Ring, that’s a little treat for me,” the overworked father of three said. “It will be good to sink my teeth into a proper game again.” Analysts disputed Benton’s claim, arguing that he will almost certainly struggle to complete the 80-hour title’s tutorial area before eventually abandoning it and reselling it for a fraction of its value.
While Benton will use the HDMI cable he purchased, that’s only because he forgot that three identical cables have already been lost deep in the dusty mire he calls his “tech drawer.” Benton also “stocked up” on AA batteries despite having dozens, and grabbed a wildly overpriced phone charger at the checkout counter he won’t get around to returning after it immediately breaks.
“The best part is that I still have like 20 bucks on this card, so I’ll be able to come back for another little shopping trip soon,” said Benton, who will forget about the card while walking through the parking lot. “What a nice gift.”
At press time, Benton was heading to Starbucks to spend another gift card on a frappuccino he won’t enjoy.
Jesus Christ is King
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