Cautious Rock Climber Cuts Off Arm To Prevent It From Getting Pinned Underneath Fallen Boulder

MONTICELLO, UT—Repeating the old adage that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, cautious rock climber Mitchell Bradford reportedly cut off his arm Friday to prevent it from getting pinned beneath any falling boulders. “Safety comes first, and when you amputate an arm before a big climb, you can be 100% certain that arm won’t be crushed by a massive rock,” said Bradford, who in order to prepare for his ascent tore into his flesh with a hacksaw that dangled from a carabiner on his climbing harness and dropped his severed limb at the base of the mountain. “Things could turn bad pretty quickly if a slab of that sandstone came tumbling down. You hope it never happens, but you take the precaution so you don’t have to worry about losing your arm in an accident.” At press time, sources confirmed Bradford had realized he was dead wrong after he narrowly survived an avalanche and looked down to see his sawed-off arm buried under several tons of rubble.

The Onion