Concerning Study Finds 1 In 10 Americans Lack Access To Adequate Food Eating Challenges

CHICAGO—According to a new study released Friday by researchers at the University of Chicago, 1 in 10 Americans lack access to adequate food eating challenges. “It is a disgrace that in a nation as wealthy as the United States, millions of people across the country do not know where their next 5-pound hamburger is coming from,” said study co-author Dennis Rose, who noted that even with the rise of school programs that offered all students free 72-ounce steaks and gallon milkshakes, many U.S. families were still struggling to put ghost pepper wings on the table. “There are countless small children who will never know the feeling of being so full they throw up a dozen gyros right there on the spot. We found that 1 in 5 children from urban households have never had the opportunity to dunk a hot dog bun in water while consuming as many hot dogs as possible in 10 minutes. There are multiple major cities that lack even a basic pie eating contest within city limits.” At press time, Rose added that less than 10% of free t-shirt winners in the U.S. were people of color.

The Onion