Report: Minority Of Murders Committed By Someone Victim Didn’t Know, But Could Have If They Had Gone Out And Socialized More

WASHINGTON—A new report released Tuesday by the Department of Justice found that the minority of murders in the U.S. were committed by someone the victim didn’t know, but could have if they had gone out and socialized more. “One out of 10 murder victims were most likely killed by a complete stranger because the victim stayed at home most nights, never really making the effort to go to a party or a bar with friends to mingle and meet new people,” said Dennis Rand, coauthor of the report, explaining the National Crime Survey data showed that if the victims had just overcome their own inhibitions that kept them trapped in their own little worlds, and instead, put themselves out there every once in a while, they could have been murdered by a friend, or at the very least, an acquaintance they saw at the occasional barbecue or summer soccer league game—if they had ever joined in the first place, which they didn’t. “Sadly, 10% of those murdered were killed by someone who didn’t know their name, and, frankly, was only aware of their existence long enough to kill them. The minority of murder victims died sad and alone at the hands of an unknown assailant, when all it would have taken for them to be killed by someone they knew and possibly cared for was the audacity to participate in the world as a human being, which, for all they know, could have led to not only knowing their killer, but a meaningful relationship that helped them grow as people—hell, who knows? It may have even led to something greater, possibly even knowing their killer on the most intimate level as ‘husband’ or ‘wife.’” Rand added that it was all the missed opportunities to open themselves up and know the person, who would kill them, that really made him feel sad for the victims.

The Onion