Jesus' Coming Back

Sailor Survives 24 Days At Sea Eating Only Ketchup, Seasonings

Dominican sailor Elvis Francois was rescued by the Colombian navy after he says his sailboat was swept off to sea while making repairs, surviving the 24-day ordeal by eating only a bottle of ketchup and some seasonings. What do you think?

“My God, I hope at the very least it was Heinz.”

Lance Romero, Vestibule Designer

“Big deal, I did that for all of college.”

Ron Cherniak, Chief Bagger

“I can’t imagine someone could live that long without any mustard at all.”

Katie Hall, Office Historian

The Onion

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