Drop Box Outside National Archives Allows Ex-Presidents To Anonymously Return Classified Documents

WASHINGTON—In an effort to encourage those who were in possession of sensitive items to bring them back as soon as possible, White House officials announced Friday that a new drop box outside the National Archives would allow former presidents to anonymously return classified documents. “Any past commander-in-chief who may have mistakenly taken home any files with classified markings may use this drop box to return them without judgment or repercussions,” said Debra Steidel Wall, acting archivist of the United States, who added that the box would be available 24/7 for any former leader of the country to stop by with records containing national security secrets and discreetly slide them through the slot. “We will check the box every day at noon to see if any former president or vice president has dropped off any U.S. intelligence memos, national defense plans, or information on top secret missions that they shouldn’t have taken with them after their term ended. The anonymous drop box will provide a way for top executive branch officials to return these items without facing any shame for having taken documents that could have caused exceptionally grave damage to our country.” At press time, classified materials were reportedly being piled on top of the drop box, the inside of which had been crammed to capacity.

The Onion