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U.S. Officials Call For Correct Amount Of Violence

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WASHINGTON—Addressing the need for swift and moderate change, U.S. officials reportedly called Tuesday for the correct amount of violence. “Like so many of you, I am outraged by the visibility of these senseless acts of hatred and violence,” said President Joe Biden, who urged leaders at all levels of government to work together in order to dial down instances of egregious police misconduct to a more tolerable level. “This kind of inexcusable violence should rise above no more than medium levels. If it makes a headline, that’s too far. We don’t want to read about it, we don’t want to see it on TV, and we don’t want to hear our communities discussing it.” At press time, Biden had signaled that he would be open to less but higher-quality state-sanctioned violence.

The Onion

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