SPOKANE, WA — Local CPA Bill Hastings is now heading into his third week of having a kernel of popcorn stuck in his teeth. He is reportedly uncomfortable and seeking counseling for depression.
Hastings has been spending several hours a day pursing his lips and creating a pressurized vacuum within his mouth, but the kernel remains steadfast to this day. He has also tried picking at the rebellious popcorn kernel with his finger, using a toothpick, and even flossing.
“I wish I was dead!” Hastings explained to Dr. Fimsqua Dilly, a professional crisis counselor who specializes in wayward food products.
“I can’t divulge exactly what we talked about,” Dr. Dilly told reporters. “But I’m recommending he be placed on suicide watch.”
At publishing time, Hastings, a longtime atheist, had converted to Christianity and begun praying for deliverance from the stubborn piece of popcorn kernel.
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Babylon Bee
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